just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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