Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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