i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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