Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
