wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
he quoted the bible to break up with me
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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