What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
We need to get me chipped asap
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
