i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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