its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize