I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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