My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
