There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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