You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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