I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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