i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
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