Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
