I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
