I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
