At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
