in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
