At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
