Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
