Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
then he tried to convert me to islam
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
