me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Terrible idea I love it
Randomize
