Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
