A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
