last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
