Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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