Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
