having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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