She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Last time i carry you out of a forest
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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