And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Randomize
