Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
