He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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