grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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