This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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