I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Randomize
