I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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