It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
two words: eviction party
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Semen is not good for contacts.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
