In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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