He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
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