Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
