I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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