Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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