I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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