6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
