He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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