then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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