I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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