You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
