it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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