it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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