I hate your face
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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