just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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