Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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