I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
