How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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