Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Randomize
