I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
