Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
