i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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