I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
