The beer is more important than you right now.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
