I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
