I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
