the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Drake has all the answers
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
