3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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