I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Still dying that you shit outside
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