I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
