thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
they need to just BURY HIM!
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
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