I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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