Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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