I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
