yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
It's never too late to be topless.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
