Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
