Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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