I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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