just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
