Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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