Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
