Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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