I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
