this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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