I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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