one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
